orangwutang

For as much time as I’ve spent in bars over my lifetime, I have never really liked the whole bar scene. I currently drink less now than I have in a long time - I will have a beer or two with dinner every now and then, but I rarely go out and get smashed. (Last weekend being an exception, unfortunately. I went out with one of my coworkers who is in the process of getting separated from his wife and so currently has the blues. We both got hammered. I paid for it dearly all day long the next day.)

For one thing, I really do get more hungover than I used to. (See above.) For another, I am 37 years old now. Most people my age are married and have kids - they’re not out in bars all of the time. And, because they’re married and have kids, they don’t feel any pressure to be out in bars all of the time. When you’re still single, people are always asking you: “Why don’t you go out more? Don’t you want to meet some women?”, etc. Generally, yes, I want to meet some women. But I’ve never really been that impressed with the quality of the women I’ve met in bars. And that is particularly true here in Vietnam - the type of women I like to associate with here generally aren’t out hanging out in bars frequented by foreigners. (And I’m not being critical of Vietnamese women or culture here - I don’t want another “pearl of Vietnam” episode.)

But the main reason I don’t like to go out to bars - or just to drink a lot generally - anymore is I really don’t like the person I become when I’ve had a few drinks. None of this will be any surprise to anyone who has been out drinking with me in the past, but I tend to get loud, say things I wouldn’t ordinarily say, have a more juvenile and vulgar sense of humor, become more critical of other people, and sometimes even become physically aggressive (more in the past than recently, but still). [Actually, the above description sounds even more fitting for a certain individual I know from South Carolina who goes by the name A. Fatman and or SC Fatman. Fatman, you out there? Holla at your boy! I still have a scar from that piece of glass you stuck in my chin at Whistler you son of a bitch.] And even after I’ve had three or four beers, I can feel those aspects of my personality coming to the forefront, and I don’t like it.

But then people are like “But you’re so much fun when you drink!” And to that I say two things: (1) Yeah, that’s probably right - some of the most fun I’ve had in my life has been while drinking. That may be sad to say or terrible to admit, but it’s just plain true. I’ve had a lot of good times. But: (2) There’s a fine line (for me at least) between drinking enough to have a lot of fun and drinking too much and crossing that line between having a lot of fun and doing some really dumb shit that might come back to haunt you. Almost without exception, the really, really dumb things I’ve done in my life have been done when I was drunk. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve done some really dumb things sober too - but most of the really, really dumb things I’ve done - the ones that had consequences for me later, were done while I was hammered. And that’s a terrible feeling to have done something really stupid while you were so drunk that you barely even remember doing it.

Anyway, enough of my own, private, self-administered 12-step program here. The point of this post was to say that I like this quotation by Paul Broomfield, a former bartender who is now a yoga instructor:

“When you work at a bar, you get to see the best and worst of a person in one night. They come in wearing a mask, looking like they’ve got it all together. As they get drunk, you see the decline, all the demons they’re battling will emerge on a magnified scale. It’s all about self-affirmation, getting the attention you crave. The funny thing with the bar is that seldom are people there to help you. They want to take as much energy from you as they can.”